Dear God what is this

orteil42:

The dorkiest most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done was probably that time in middle school where I had a crush on this girl in another class. I got her name from a friend but I was really extremely terribly shy and had no idea how to ask her out at first. I had her figured for the literary type since she was always reading those big stephen king novels during recess, so I did the logical thing and got a poem published in the school newspaper to try and get her attention; the poem was some zany wacky crap about how teachers are secretly evil reptilians, but it had a hidden message - if you read the first letter of every line, it spelled out something like : “[NAME] I AM MAD INTO YOU”. For some ungodly reason I was basically certain that she’d notice it and enquire about me, and we’d live together happily ever after. It turns out that there was, however, a hitch or two in this plan :

• the newspaper’s editor changed a couple lines like he usually did, mangling the secret message
• the friend got her name wrong
• jesus christ kid what were you thinking
  

I think this was the last time I ever attempted asking anyone out